I miss the days where you didnt know how wrong people were based off of Facebook. Facebook has ended many a friendships with me, friendships that would not have ended if Facebook didnt show me the "light". So this is a big thank you letter to my bff FB can i call you FB i feel like we are close enough to do that.
1. THANK YOU FACEBOOK for letting me see how disfunctional most people are in relationships. I thought i was the only one with the emotional capacity of a praying mantis but nope just check facebook. According to facebook my "friends" are really in love, like so in love that telling the person your in love with is just not enough, you have to tell them through your status (i love my baby sooo much), and on their page (hey baby i love you today, see you tonight) and in your friends status (i just feel that way maybe its becasue of my baaaby), and pictures and tag them in stupid stupid photos of two people in love (beach scene with a heart or two cuddling dogs). It would be great if you could be in love like with eachother and not involve the entire fb world in it. It would also be nice if you werent "in Love" with someone new every couple months, then it would be much more real. Also my favorite is watching peoples relationships die right on FB, from in relationship status, to its complicated all the while hating the person on FB statuses. Hate to tell you hun but if "its complicated" your either just fuck buddies or breaking up and everyone knows it. And my favorite married couple we all know, well maybe i just know becasue i know a lot of these people but that the relationship you have on FB is not what you have off. Stop trying to convince people, if anyone spent as much time pretending they were in some EPIC romance as they could work on having an EPIC relationship things would be better for them i think. There are plenty of cute couples on FB but those ones dont constantly remind everyone that they are in love. #FBLoveMolestation
2. THANK YOU FACEBOOK for letting me know which of my "friends" are christian elitists. I have no problem with your relationship with God but do you have to spew the bible all over the place. The funniest thing is the people i know that throw up Jesus all the time, act like they dont know him on the weekends. Im pretty sure Jesus wasnt around when you were having that questionable encounter or when you were table dancing. I dont even have so much issue with your loving Jesus during facebook time but throwing out judgement statements like If you dont know God you have nothing. I love God very much she's my homegirl but do i think your the one that should be telling me such, probably not, i know your history and its not cute. Also those like this if you love Jesus...i mean really... because the higher beings are following your FB to make sure you like their pic. And now i have to feel guilty for not like a picture on FB. At some point it feels less about God and more about your Holy Roller Complex and its time to take it from a 10 to a shut the fuck up. #FBGodSmite
3. THANK YOU FACEBOOK for reminding me that having good grammer can be a blessing and a curse. I maintain that i will probably spell things wrong and use bad grammer in FB, Texts and Emails if they are non work related becasue really who cares. APPARENTLY, everyone!!!!!!!! If i see one more status about how horrible people are with grammer i'm gonna flip's an shit ! It is a social network not a paper due for a grade, i might put something up that's pretty fucking profound and all you saw was my missing comma, seriously you need help, now you ruined my status with your correction and everyone is looking at the missing comma and not what i meant to say. So thanks for that. If people try to write something correctly but dont because they are rushing than who cares, do you understand what they mean then great! On the opposite of that there is the ebonics people, the one where i have no idea what their status says because there is so many words shortened or spelled with ghetto slang that i have no idea what happened. I have to ask myself am i sure i know this person from school? #IzDontzKeer
4. THANK YOU FACEBOOK for reminding me that my friends are hanging out with someone i hate, o no they didnt tag eachother but you noticed that they are all going to an event together and you thought i should no......(side eye) #SideEye
5. THANK YOU FACEBOOK for letting "friends" prove that they have no balls or lady nads. If your going to talk about someone on your page in a snotty, little kids, status, FUCKING tag them... i want to know! Its like saying omg someone slept with my boyfriend while i was asleep in the next room but im not going to tell you who... ummm... what you cant do that!!! If you start a story you have to finish it and if it was so important you had to write in on a status, hoping they would figure out it was them, and then maybe feel sad that it was about them or they think it was about them or ....WHATEVER... SPILL!!!! And if its about me.... SAY IT TO MY FACE!! (sticks tongue out!) LOL #FBDetectiveBitches
So THANKS FACEBOOK.... for showing me peoples true colors and giving me hours of entertainment and work distraction.
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