I am a single woman and therefore i date, even though its a painful process and im more likely to end up with cats than a husband i try because I do love cats a bit to much to throw in the towel just yet. I am a realitively successful woman of color which makes the odds of me getting married even smaller but there are plenty of reasons why im single.
This is always the question when im on a date either because guys feel im impressive with no kids, a good job and ambition for days or they are trying to get in my pants and want to make sure the space isnt taken either way its a question i always have to answer. Normally i tell them, the cliche i just havent found the right one... which is kind of true but its easier than saying the reasons that go with that which are....
1. Guys have Va Jay Jays - I dont know what has happened to men but there is way to much metrosexuals around. Yeah Yeah i get it feelings are good and wonderful and truth is even better. However, if you are doing more than the 1 tear Will Smith cry im out. Guys now get so attached, its the age old game of pay them no attention and they are all over you. I have to deal with the after 4 dates, where is this going talk and how do you feel about marriage. What happened to getting to knowing each other, i am sure men want to get married as much as women do trust me its a shit show out there! Why so sensitive!! This isnt all bad but guys are either in the I want play you like a rock star or give me babies phase, neither of which works for me. Umm Excuse me sir your Tampon is showing.
2. Biological Clock is broken - If i have babies, i would prefer they are pre-made and potty trained! I have 5 nieces i love dearly but i still have no want to push babies out of my body, there is nothing cute to me about child birth. Guys dont like to hear that, its great that im independant but they still want me barefoot and pregnant cooking them steaks (not good for Vegan self).
3. Spookable Horse - I happen to like being single unlike most women so when i decide to get into a relationship it will be after getting to know someone. Guys like to find out if i cook, want kids and how i feel about marriage on the first date, yeah i get that, but they also like to talk about things like taming me, and knocking me up and me being a keeper... on the first date!!! i haven't even finished my salad or begun to show my crazy yet... ewww.. why are guys so marry me now ick.. just stop
4. Love Impossibly - Im broken pretty much, by relationships or possible relationships that just dont end... they crash burn and the ashes are scattered in to piles of animal shit... so... i believe in love i am just aware that its not hearts and rainbows and i prefer real over romance... so is it out there yeah of course, am i sure its for me not completely.
5. Iz Be Busy - I spend my life being busy, i like to put my time where my mouth is, i like to volunteer and i love my busy job, i have pretty awesome friends and 5 incredible nieces and life is short so im on the go so .. lead, follow or get out of my way, i will not be sitting on the couch with you every night watching jeopardy and i can make a man the center of my life but my life is active, im not a stay at home all weekend with my man type of girl im a hey lets white water raft today type of girl.. so there is that lead follow thing again
6. Gold for a Dollar - Im a fucking catch and if your not well dont expect to be more than a special friend.
7. Single is Fucking Awesome - no really it is, not for everyone but those of us that love it... its pretty great
8. False Advertising - Every man is about being a good man, and about having a strong woman and about being amazing in bed.... wanting to be and actually being is not always possible, most men that say they are good men arent they just think becasue they arent complete assholes that they are some how above the rest of the pack... wrong..... If you want a relationship claiming your going to tame me isnt going to work .. especially because you are insecure no thanks.. man insecure male vagina not ok.... Amazing in bed thing sooo fucking funny... i recently got licked from my chin to my nose... my whole fucking nose and it was supposed to be a kiss and he was so fucking fine.... that's just not right your fine with thick lips and you not only cant kiss but its an abomination... yeah no.... also men this is not a porno if you saw something in a porno and think hey lets try it.... JUST DONT... and Spitting in bed is NEVER and option...... Women if any of this happens dont be polite show them to the door ASAP... Foot to the chest or face area is normally a good warning sign.
So after reading this im sure no one is surprised im single but o well, either some day someone will want to run with the crazy or not but ill always be me and life will always be an adventure
