So i am back from South Africa and i guess its time for a post. My current life...
1. South Africa is Life Changing: I knew travel to South Africa to work with Animals would be a life changing experience. I guess i just didnt know the ways it would change me. There were many wonderful things about working with animals i have studied my whole life. There were also a lot of annoying things about the trip. The big thing was routine. I knew everyday i was going to wake up work on an annoying project, work with amazing people, hang out and observe the most majestic scary predators, hang out drink and go to bed. It was an easy life for me. I didnt miss anything for 3 weeks i was away. I was just doing this thing in this little world. When i came back it was to the chaos of my life. I have managed to make sure the every minute of my life is full and when its not im to tired to do much anything else. Plus there is something to be said to leave a place where you are loved and adored, and you get close with and trust people that you have known for a week or 2, then your back in your normal life, with the good and the bad that is your friends, the usual family issues and the common work place. It takes all i have not to try to break out of my life. Its not like my life is boring or bad, its just common. I just need to get out into the world, i need to experience more there is so much to do and to see. My birthday is coming and im not even excited. I have always loved birthdays everyone should feel special atleast one day of the year, everyone should get a day. I think even though people are always disappointing on your birthday there are a few that always make you feel loved. But it could pass and i wouldnt notice. Due to my friends i am celebrating and it will be great but i feel like im kind of a shell right now.
2. Relationships: I have still yet to see any reason why i should throw myself into a relationship. The world tells me that as a 30 year old woman i should want to be married and have kids. I tell the world i want to go to Thailand and play with elephants next year. I tell the world that i know amazing people in Australia, Israel and London and i need to get there first. Plus i was watching a show yesterday and a character said it best..... "i dont get men now, they cry and want to talk about feelings, i dont know what to do with that"... seriously you cry, dont know how to fix things and want my number before my name. Everyone is convinced that someday i will find a man. Im just not about that bullshit fairy tail Disney sells. I dont think there is soulmate out there waiting for me. Especially recently very few marriages and couples i know should be together. If they are its bc one of them made the decision not to be alone anymore and decided that this current person was the one that would make it most bearable. I dont want to settle if i am going to be with you forever, you gotta have all the bells and whistles. Settling leads to cheating and while i am only here bc of certain indiscretions, im still not okay with that. Then i had a past blog about how i was going to get rid of someone, yeah thats never going to happen, while he is barely on my heart radar since i got back its just the idea of getting rid of people. Maybe bc i have been apart of so many friendships where people forgot how important we used to be to eachother and forgot that me being there 24-7 actually meant something. Yeah i have friends i dont completely trust bc they arent ride or dies, and yeah maybe i have friendships that dont always makes sense but those are my people, once you become one of my people im stuck with you until you punch me in the face and maybe even after that. I guess its bc i know im not an easy person to love so its okay if your not either.
In short, i dont really know whats going on in my head right now. I do know that when i figure it out, its going to be amazing, bc it has to be. I am going to try to do amazing things until i cant anymore.
