Post South Africa - Stupid long post

So i am back from South Africa and i guess its time for a post. My current life...


1. South Africa is Life Changing:  I knew travel to South Africa to work with Animals would be a life changing experience.  I guess i just didnt know the ways it would change me.  There were many wonderful things about working with animals i have studied my whole life.  There were also a lot of annoying things about the trip.  The big thing was routine.  I knew everyday i was going to wake up work on an annoying project, work with amazing people, hang out and observe the most majestic scary predators, hang out drink and go to bed.  It was an easy life for me.  I didnt miss anything for 3 weeks i was away.  I was just doing this thing in this little world.  When i came back it was to the chaos of my life.  I have managed to make sure the every minute of my life is full and when its not im to tired to do much anything else.  Plus there is something to be said to leave a place where you are loved and adored, and you get close with and trust people that you have known for a week or 2, then your back in your normal life, with the good and the bad that is your friends, the usual family issues and the common work place.  It takes all i have not to try to break out of my life.  Its not like my life is boring or bad, its just common.  I just need to get out into the world, i need to experience more there is so much to do and to see.  My birthday is coming and im not even excited.  I have always loved birthdays everyone should feel special atleast one day of the year, everyone should get a day.  I think even though people are always disappointing on your birthday there are a few that always make you feel loved. But it could pass and i wouldnt notice.  Due to my friends i am celebrating and it will be great but i feel like im kind of a shell right now.

2.  Relationships:   I have still yet to see any reason why i should throw myself into a relationship.  The world tells me that as a 30 year old woman i should want to be married and have kids.  I tell the world i want to go to Thailand and play with elephants next year.  I tell the world that i know amazing people in Australia, Israel and London and i need to get there first.  Plus i was watching a show yesterday and a character said it best..... "i dont get men now, they cry and want to talk about feelings, i dont know what to do with that"... seriously you cry, dont know how to fix things and want my number before my name.  Everyone is convinced that someday i will find a man.  Im just not about that bullshit fairy tail Disney sells.  I dont think there is soulmate out there waiting for me.  Especially recently very few marriages and couples i know should be together.  If they are its bc one of them made the decision not to be alone anymore and decided that this current person was the one that would make it most bearable.  I dont want to settle if i am going to be with you forever, you gotta have all the bells and whistles.  Settling leads to cheating and while i am only here bc of certain indiscretions, im still not okay with that.  Then i had a past blog about how i was going to get rid of someone, yeah thats never going to happen, while he is barely on my heart radar since i got back its just the idea of getting rid of people.  Maybe bc i have been apart of so  many friendships where people forgot how important we used to be to eachother and forgot that me being there 24-7 actually meant something.  Yeah i have friends i dont completely trust bc they arent ride or dies, and yeah maybe i have friendships that dont always makes sense but those are my people, once you become one of my people im stuck with you until you punch me in the face and maybe even after that.  I guess its bc i know im not an easy person to love so its okay if your not either.

In short, i dont really know whats going on in my head right now.  I do know that when i figure it out, its going to be amazing, bc it has to be.  I am going to try to do amazing things until i cant anymore.  

Getting Off That D

There is always lots of stuff going on in my life.  Mostly because im constantly adding more stuff.  Due to said stuff i have tried recently to minimize the stress that is my life... so here is my current stuff!

1. Never Can Say Goodbye - Im a scorpio female and loyalty is my thing but my loyalty sometime gets me into a black hole.  There is a such thing as too loyal.  If the whole world was full of loyal people this wouldnt be an issue but since there are more takers than givers, us loyal ones usually get hurt.  I had to end at 12 friendship 10 days ago.  I say 10 days because i am def counting it is a 12 step program.  It was with an X from a relationship that wasnt bad until the very end.  This person was an amazing friend mostly.  There was still a connection he is one of those guys where there will always be a connection.  There was no possiblity of a renewal in relationship because i didnt like the person had become, he wasnt the person i fell in love with, and I wasnt the type of girl he was attracted to anymore.  Eventually the constant hurt this friendship caused was to much.  All my friends said it and they were right but i had to be sure i did everything i could before i gave up on the relationship.  Its not easy to find someone who will be there whenever you need them but when that person can ruin your day with 1 comment its time to go.  Sometimes its the stupidest thing that will break a camels back and consider me broken but healing.

2. Cougar Begon - I can no longer subject myself to any boys under 25, i dont do inspirational speaking, potty training or pacifiers.  These little man boys run around thinking they are everything and they seem so much like real men you forget.  Its always a good reminder to think about who you were at 21 and who were at 25, there is a serious difference.  Age is not just a number and tequila is not just a drink. 

3. Women.... no sex is worth tears.... EVER

4. Im currently back in the food business and i just have to say.  YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE NASTY! Be nice to your servers they bring your food... honesty how can you be rude to people that bring your food it is a very very very bad idea.  Also, if you dont want to tip stay home, order takeout dont go into a restaurant run a server like crazy and then give them a dollar because you wanted a faster refill.  There are other people besides you and they all think their needs are more important.  If you need something from a server make sure everyone at your table asks for what they need.  Also dont grab people say excuse me, if one more person grabs me to ask a questions.  For the love of God do not cuss a vegan out over buffet fried chicken while the choir is singing O HAPPY DAY! Its just wrong.

5. I am living a ramen noodle life due to South Africa if i survive June with everything intact all will be well.  I am aware that i may get kidnapped, raped, killed, burned, attacked, eaten, scared by people, animals in South Africa,,,, but think of the adventure lol

6. I need to finish my book a book that will probably kill relationships but maybe i can use said relationship killer to go to Costa Rica next year... when life gives you lemons... add Bacardi

This Week In Staki... Thats just wrong!!

So im always all over the place so ill let you into some of my crazy.  Shocking but even though my life is crazy i dont consider it dramatic... its just wild.  You must be 1 with the crazy.

1. Its hard to take Zumba when you very nice instructor sometimes forgets how to dance.  It is killing my Zumba experience and i am a judgy ex choreographer present day cheer coach so yeah.  But im making my massive arms angel wings less wingy... is that a word o well  i love it

2. Sunday i had a full on meltdown on my life and cried and had my bff tell me to suck it up and did something i shouldnt and cried again.  Ive felt pretty bad and weak about it for a few days... then i got my period and was like hey hey its not my fault.  So honestly mother nature had a tantrum and she needs to get her shit together lol

3. I stared at a very cute little person on the metro yesterday thinking hmmm could i date a little person.... which thx to my tattoo experience with Imani Brown i know they have normal peni... is it peni... or penises how do you describe little peoples penis as a whole who knows... well anyway i need to stop being obsessed with Peter Dinklage bc im pretty sure its his fault.

4. I met a very serious man that was a martial arts doasim studing barber.  Who proceeded to tell me he smokes and makes beer because he is going to die anyway.  So i asked him how that works with the idea of body is a temple and he couldnt tell me, but he could tell me he likes beer.  Gotta love single life.

5. I am dealing with the fact that my mother has amish shunned me.  We argued that her fb messaging my friends behind my back about things they write on my page is inappropriate.  Then we fault bc she says i love my father more.  Then i told her we werent close bc she throws tantrums and never discusses anything... at this point she hung up the phone and told my father to let me know i am not allowed at the house.  Also any pictures of me have been taken down.  Im glad she proved my point but now where am i going to steal all Costco Charmin toilet paper... uggg.. my momma doesnt love me and she took my toilet paper... thats just inhumane.

6. I keep watching friends run into traffic life... well traffic love life and all i can do is watch bc im not having another incident where im standing in the parking lot 2 weeks before a friends wedding and watching her cry bc i dont agree with her 6 month internet fiance... bc im not supportive.... i hate when people cry... do that alone it makes me very uncomfortable. Her marriage was over in 2 years btw.. but the guy she cheated with is now her husband so thats good right.

7. Love is handing someone a loaded gun and asking them not to shoot.  The fuck im giving you a gun! My mom shuns me... i am broken walk away dont look lol 

8.  Good news my mom shun, ex bf bs, current man bs, and lack of money due to South Africa trip is putting me back on track with my book


K Thx

MY March Madness

Whats in my head today......


1. Because of NPR I know way more about the Pope than i need to i guess i earned Catholic Points, ive lost a lot due to my complete disagreement with how i was raised, however people that think catholics suck can shut the fuck up ... your man made church is no better than my ex man made church!!! 

2. I hate playing games... all of them, board, video or emotionally, however when it comes to emotional i am like that autistic Wizard kid in that 80s movie with Fred Savage, i dont care if you have the power glove your not fucking winning.  I am a scorpio and grew up in a crazy household so just know my lack of care and love trumps yours!!

3. South Africa is my new excuse for everyting,  i cant hang out because of SA, i cant be in a relationship bc of SA, i cant have cable bc of SA... and you know what im okay with that.  Im going to get to play with Lions and possibly get killed by a wildabeast like Mufasa but its all about life experiences

4.  Im writing a book about my life and its taking me FOREVER....... isnt it ironic dont you think!

5. You might be smarter than me and have better facts but if you cant express them properly i win... im also okay with that

6.  Im going to try to be happy no matter what crazy messed of form that comes in ... when im not ill find a new crazy messed up form to be happy in... then ill die....happy

7. You could be Vegan but..... no fucker you just could be Vegan...

8. Cant vesus Wont.... there is a difference

9. I lose weight bc i hate my arms but if my ass and boobs start going the whole thing is off!

10.  I have great friends that shouldnt be my friend, and close friends that arent that close, and far away friends that are the closest... hmmmm

K thx bye

I SHOULD GO TO MY ROOM

Im pretty much throwing a mental 30 year old tantrum... atleast it silent.... well it was here its goes!!!!



1. I dont want to clean my apt, its just an apartment and how much mess can one person and a cat make.  My cat that eats off people plates... he should do the dishes.

2.  I dont want to do my laundry, not even a little bit and then once i do it.... i have to fold it WTF clothes get it together

3.  I dont want to explain my eating habits... you kills souls... shut up!

4. I dont want to pretend your a better friend than you think

5. I dont want to smile at you when you make rude comments bc you sign my paycheck

6. I dont want to be chronically late to work

7. I dont want to pretend to be stronger than i am, i want you to just get it

8. I dont wan to suck at Ruzzle... its like ive never read anything more than a 3 letter word... in here!!

9. I dont want to have to learn all your problems and then try to form a bond...ewww come correct

10.  I dont want cheesecake and cream cheese to have cheese in them... lol... i know


Ok moving on with my day