2015 Started Out Okay ... Now it's Shit!

My current issues!!!



1. Friend Circle - Since June my friend circle has diminished considerably, it was like all my close people got together and decided they didnt need me in their life.  It is frustrating and mean and sad but that's life.  When people decide you are not worth their time you have to move on.  I think i have established myself as a good friend, hard to love, brutally honest and bitchy yes... but i am the hide the body, hang out and do my nails in the interrogation room type of friend and that should speak for itself.

2. Avocado's are my nemesis, either they are not ripe or rotten, i cant figure it out.  It's like the 10 mins they are perfect to eat are when i am not around. Vegan problems. 

3.  WTF RSVP - When i invite people to things is it so hard for them to say hey i cant make it.  I am going to New Orleans alone, mostly because people wont RSVP.  No worries its just my bday.  I dont care that you cant go but i do care that you thought texting, fbing, snap chatting, emailing, calling was to much of a hassle.

4. I am happy for all of my fellow gym people... but do you have to post a selfie of your sweaty face every day or worse than that staging a pic of you working out. I kind of hate your sweaty face right now.

5. Gun Advocates - I have no problem with you owning guns... in fact when the zombies come, i am shacking up with you, however, you need to talk to your friends that are doing things like killing kids, and shooting car jacking victims or the shoplifters that they are screwing it up for the rest of you.  It's like that time when Homer Simpson had a gun... get it together.  Also be apart of the solution, how do we make things safer?

6. I am writing a few short stories based off of a nightmare i had.  The characters in said story may or may not reflect some people in my life, write what you know.

7. My new second job working at a animal resort is probably my version of heaven, i will clean dog shit up happily before i would go back to the ungrateful annoying customers at The Howard Theater. 

8. Dating:  I fucking hate dating... note to self if a guys says he is 5'7' he is really 5'5.  Also i refuse to date guys who's occupation description is Get Money.  Also dont ask for my number before my name.  My poor father wants me to settle down, but i have way to many countries to visit. I will settle down when i am ready with my Jean Luc... he is my non-existent pitbull puppy.

Bonus - Fucking Ben Carson... i need you to pick a better Token!

The End of 2014

I am not going to write about goals, because i believe where i am right now is where i should be.  I also think that the things i want to improve on can start tomorrow and no dropping of the ball is going to change that.  So what's going on.

GOALS - These are not goal i have for myself they are goals people have for me.  I think everyone i know has as some point decided i should be an attorney and while i agree with my friend that i am a law geek.  I spend all day drafting documents, running attorneys schedules, researching, then i listen to podcasts like serial, read mystery based books and end my day watching criminal minds.  Yes, i love the law its pretty interesting, but lets be honest, if i wanted to be a lawyer, wouldnt i be one by now.  It is one thing to know i would be good at it but its quite another to want to be one.  I enjoy my life i work hard at a job i love, i volunteer with good organizations, this job i love gives me a good amount of money that gives me the option to travel to other countries for 3 weeks at a time and explore.  Why would i want to trade that for looking at 4 walls of an office, then a courtroom to be bogged down my crazy debt, what am i trying to prove?  I appreciate the love and confidence but why does your goals for me have to make me a failure in your eyes.

WANTS - Why do people expect to have access to and a right for things they dont deserve.  Why do people that get rid of me love to get jealous when i am with others.  Why do people say they love and want the best for me but cant honestly say they messed up.  Why am i told over and over again that i am enough and that i shouldnt change by people that couldnt love or handle me.  Why do people that love me not want me but not want me to be with others.  I make it a point not to go after things that are out of my reach.  I dont chase things or people if they arent for me, if they dont want me.  The idea of them is not enough.  The best thing i learned a long time ago that i like to want the things that arent good for me.  I am a rebel if you tell me not to touch the fire i will jump in.  I find that being an adult means that you dont play with fire because it burns you for a lot longer then the secs of satisfaction that comes with the thrill.

I'm Not Sick but I'm Not Well

I am kicking ass at work today, got a little free time thought i would write a bit. Today is going to reflect my odd randomness and general hate for life lol. 1. Whenever i count 1-3 i do it as if i am the owl from the tootsie pop commercials. However my friend Roderick does it in the Count from Sesame street voice, which makes me happy. 2. It's annoying that most of my close friends dont read my blog but 200 strangers do, funny bc i talk about them alot. 3. Stop trying to predict what i am thinking it is way worse than you think or want to know. 4. Every sunday i have to tell some idiot that we pick up their plates up from their table during the buffet. Do you see trash cans around, have ever been to a dinner theatre? Stop piling your shit on the bar that's def not where it goes. I didnt pick up your plate sir bc its full of food and your a wasteful piece of shit. Just Sayin. 5. I was texting while driving the other day, and thought about all those sad commercials about the short texts that costs people their lives and i yelled out... You're Going to Die!! dropped my phone and havent text while driving since lol. How horrible would it be to die over the phase lol 6. I did 400 crunches last night bc an Extra from Catching Fire was told to do them and his abs are on point. Shit it cant hurt... but i cant breath today.. pain is good yes! 7. I have a fucked up view of my body i always think i am about 100 pounds heavier than i am, i used to fight that with anorexia in high school but i feel like that wouldnt work now lol. My biggest worry is i am going to go to Thailand and i will be too heavy to ride the elephants. Hey it could happen... sorry ma'am Dumbo cant handle you. 8. Want to set a man off... call him a bitch. 9. I make friends and enemies wherever i go... its pretty impressive. 10. Sam Smith is my musical god right now... its been a while since music has made me this happy. 11. In the Kitchen of the Howard Theatre on Sunday... Gospel Sunday... they were listening to a song that consisted of more Bitches and N's than the planet earth... i felt Moms Mabley rolled over in her grave. 12. To end stupid arguments i either make people hate life or yell really loud incoherent sentences until they feel akward and shut up... i should do this while being hit on... will do 13. My ex has compared our relationship to a Broken bike, a tropical flower and a car wreck..they werent supposed to be insults... i wonder why we arent together 14. I dont always mind doing hoe-ish type of things but dont make me feel like a hoe before i do them... that's just disrespectful 15. My soul mate is off somewhere, planting trees, while saving animals and fighting for women's rights..... i hope i havent meet the soul mate yet bc if so... God doesnt like me.

Staki's Guide to Online Dating

I want to preface this by saying that online dating is more to meet people or hook up. The likely hood that you will be the 1 in 100 that find an actual life partner is pretty depressing. I have been online dating for a while and i mostly do it bc its nice to be told your pretty everyday and taken out to eat every once in a while. As long as you go into online dating with two facts, Men/Women are more ratchet online then they will be in person and crazy people hide better online. Here is how i deal with online dating. 1. <b>Men Kill, Online Men Kill MORE - Treat every new guy with the idea that he is going to stick you in a hole, and make you cover yourself head to toe with lotion. Online you dont know if the guy is going to cut you into pieces until you actually talk to them. I usually do a phone call before i meet just to make sure its not too bad. If you can tell they are off on the phone or something doesnt seem right, dont bother to meet up, your gut normally says hey this guy masterbates to anime and he wants to wear your face. Dont go giving them addresses and work numbers, make sure if things go bad you can get a clean getaway. 2. No Glasses, Weed Smokers or Mean Muggers - When guys only have pictures of them in Sunglasses stay away, who knows what they are hiding behind there, could be a p-diddy moment where they are kind of sexy until their eyes jump out to play..or worse they could have cookie monsters, try to avoid any date surprises. Weed smokers... if they have pictures of themselves smoking all over social media that mean they really dont care about having an actual career the same goes for the face tattoos that means they have given up on life. There are way more mean faces on dating websites than smiles, my thought is always either you have black teeth, no teeth or some teeth. They dont look cool they look convicted. 3. >Code Words: When guys say they want someone fit they mean skinny, they also say active, takes care of their body. That just means no thick girls need apply. I prefer the ones that just come out and say i only date white woman or i dont like big girls bc you know they are douche bags from the beginning. They are homebodies aka no ambition lives with their momma. Guys that want a good girl... aka barefoot pregnant. 4. <b>Come separate, leave separate: No one is worth an SVU episode, meet in public, let friends know where your going,and when you get home and never go home with them afterwards. Its like saying hey psycho you dont even have to chase me, here's the knife. It also says i am a thirsty bitch with no self worth, so there is that. Ex - I had a date that lasted 4 minutes he wouldnt get out of the car there were to many people around, and he wanted me to follow him to somewhere else. Yeah i left immediately. 5. There will be uglies: Do not let the huge number of ugg mugg, hobgobblins, crackhead smiling, scary beast of men hitting on you make you doubt your self worth. Ugly, scary, crazy people try harder, they have to. 6. Take Time: It is okay to be excited about someone new, but if after the first date you two are talking everyday and planning babies, then you have both done this crazy shit before and it will end in a huge ball of shit! Yes life is short but not that short. Get to know someone the person you meet in the first month is not who you will date in the long run. 7. They Better be Amazing:My best friend always said, if they are not falling over themselves to impress you in the beginning then move on. This is very true the beginning is when you are on your best behavior. If your first date someone is showing you signs of rudeness or insecurity, take those as gospel and move on. This means they cannot contain their issues through one night, it will all come out later 10 fold. Like the guy that told me he was an entrepenuer and did a drug deal on our first date. 8. It's a Shady Business: Most people that you meet online are talking to 3 plus people at one time. This means they can up and dissapear at any moment, dont be surprised just move on to your number 2. It okay to be shady also once something seems off cut and run, you dont owe them anything! They might text or call for a while but they will get the message eventually. Have fun, dont die!

My V Life is a Fail

So every V day a single girl like myself is forced to reflect on my love life, well lack there of love life. Its kind of annoying i am perfectly fine being single until this holiday where i am reminded that folding laundry and drinking wine alone is now a bad sad lonely thing, maybe i should wait until Monday lol. For your info i do have a valentine his name is Reilly he is a cuddler, doesnt talk, purrs a lot and i dont have to build up his lack of masculinity. So here are my current reasons for why i think this time next year i will again be reflecting on my singledom. 1. Broken Vet: I dated someone for 2 whole months recently, for me that is a very long time. In the beginning he looked too good to be true, because he was. However i did take it slow because lets face it im a little broken and have trust issues. He was handsome, had a sexy deep voice, funny, had a good job and treated me like a queen. On our first day he stopped me mid sentence becasue he just had to tell me how beautiful i was on top of that our first date was watching a UFC fight. I have to say i was a bit smitten even holding his hand in public something else i dont do ever! So the problems start setting in. He is a Perks of becoming a Wildflower type of introvert. As in everything is great and there is a smile but inside he is thinking of stabbing me with a knife kind of introvert. So our first argument resulted in him contacting a girl he dated before me. In an adult world a 35 year old man who survived two tours in Iraq would just say what he was thinking but in this situation it was not the case. Then other things came out like pretty much i shouldnt go anywhere ever where i could possibly be hit one. It's apparently a rule to having a good relationship, so as a woman who's face doesnt look like i ran into a locker 5 times, i can pretty much just stay in the house. Add that to the non-acknowledged PTSD issues, and the attitude that if he doesnt answer me i should assume its a no. This was pretty much doomed from the start. I had to deal with the fact that expecting an answer to a question instead of reading his mind was how i was going to live my life. Here's the thing, i have dealt with the insecure, and the other women around situation. I am old enough to realize that i dont have to deal with it again. How the fuck am i supposed to give my all to the game when you got thirsty bitches on the bench. But i am sure it was my fault, bc how was it put i just like assholes and i am to outspoken. A characteristic that on our first date was a plus. 2. Recycled Text: I cannot be the only person this happens to. Every couple of months, people that i dont date anymore, like to text me. Recently i was contacted by 1 guy that peed my bed and another that licked my face during a kiss. Yes two separate people, yes my life is sad, yes i will be eating ice cream out of a wine glass tonight. Anyway, i am not sure why they decided "hey, this girl emotionally scarred me by her reaction to my failure as a human being... why dont i text her. Its not just them, every once in a while guys i dont deal with, will hit me up to see how i have been. My thought is, if you didnt care 2 months ago, why would shold I care today. My other thought is,, am i supposed to be so excited they contact little ol me that i invite them over for naked twister. I am very confused, i dont feel like i have ever given the impression that my throat is parched to the point of thirsty girl failure but i guess i cant blame them for trying. These texts often end the same way, i say something rude they call me a bitch and i hear from them again in 5 months. I guess its my warm and cuddley dimeanor. 3. Real Men: Just a few thoughts. If you tell me 10 times your a real man your a lie. If you say your a nice guy but bitches be trippin your not a nice guy. If you are such a nice guy that you have to screw 3 plus women at a time and they dont all know, again you need a new adjective. If you think playing boyfriend to a girl and you dont plan to be an actual boyfriend... your a whore, they call this the girlfriend experience. The only real man i know is my Father and he taught me that i am a princess and shall be treated as such... sucks to be you. So in closing... V Day should be for Vaj bc I am single and hear me Roar lol

Post South Africa - Stupid long post

So i am back from South Africa and i guess its time for a post. My current life...


1. South Africa is Life Changing:  I knew travel to South Africa to work with Animals would be a life changing experience.  I guess i just didnt know the ways it would change me.  There were many wonderful things about working with animals i have studied my whole life.  There were also a lot of annoying things about the trip.  The big thing was routine.  I knew everyday i was going to wake up work on an annoying project, work with amazing people, hang out and observe the most majestic scary predators, hang out drink and go to bed.  It was an easy life for me.  I didnt miss anything for 3 weeks i was away.  I was just doing this thing in this little world.  When i came back it was to the chaos of my life.  I have managed to make sure the every minute of my life is full and when its not im to tired to do much anything else.  Plus there is something to be said to leave a place where you are loved and adored, and you get close with and trust people that you have known for a week or 2, then your back in your normal life, with the good and the bad that is your friends, the usual family issues and the common work place.  It takes all i have not to try to break out of my life.  Its not like my life is boring or bad, its just common.  I just need to get out into the world, i need to experience more there is so much to do and to see.  My birthday is coming and im not even excited.  I have always loved birthdays everyone should feel special atleast one day of the year, everyone should get a day.  I think even though people are always disappointing on your birthday there are a few that always make you feel loved. But it could pass and i wouldnt notice.  Due to my friends i am celebrating and it will be great but i feel like im kind of a shell right now.

2.  Relationships:   I have still yet to see any reason why i should throw myself into a relationship.  The world tells me that as a 30 year old woman i should want to be married and have kids.  I tell the world i want to go to Thailand and play with elephants next year.  I tell the world that i know amazing people in Australia, Israel and London and i need to get there first.  Plus i was watching a show yesterday and a character said it best..... "i dont get men now, they cry and want to talk about feelings, i dont know what to do with that"... seriously you cry, dont know how to fix things and want my number before my name.  Everyone is convinced that someday i will find a man.  Im just not about that bullshit fairy tail Disney sells.  I dont think there is soulmate out there waiting for me.  Especially recently very few marriages and couples i know should be together.  If they are its bc one of them made the decision not to be alone anymore and decided that this current person was the one that would make it most bearable.  I dont want to settle if i am going to be with you forever, you gotta have all the bells and whistles.  Settling leads to cheating and while i am only here bc of certain indiscretions, im still not okay with that.  Then i had a past blog about how i was going to get rid of someone, yeah thats never going to happen, while he is barely on my heart radar since i got back its just the idea of getting rid of people.  Maybe bc i have been apart of so  many friendships where people forgot how important we used to be to eachother and forgot that me being there 24-7 actually meant something.  Yeah i have friends i dont completely trust bc they arent ride or dies, and yeah maybe i have friendships that dont always makes sense but those are my people, once you become one of my people im stuck with you until you punch me in the face and maybe even after that.  I guess its bc i know im not an easy person to love so its okay if your not either.

In short, i dont really know whats going on in my head right now.  I do know that when i figure it out, its going to be amazing, bc it has to be.  I am going to try to do amazing things until i cant anymore.  

Getting Off That D

There is always lots of stuff going on in my life.  Mostly because im constantly adding more stuff.  Due to said stuff i have tried recently to minimize the stress that is my life... so here is my current stuff!

1. Never Can Say Goodbye - Im a scorpio female and loyalty is my thing but my loyalty sometime gets me into a black hole.  There is a such thing as too loyal.  If the whole world was full of loyal people this wouldnt be an issue but since there are more takers than givers, us loyal ones usually get hurt.  I had to end at 12 friendship 10 days ago.  I say 10 days because i am def counting it is a 12 step program.  It was with an X from a relationship that wasnt bad until the very end.  This person was an amazing friend mostly.  There was still a connection he is one of those guys where there will always be a connection.  There was no possiblity of a renewal in relationship because i didnt like the person had become, he wasnt the person i fell in love with, and I wasnt the type of girl he was attracted to anymore.  Eventually the constant hurt this friendship caused was to much.  All my friends said it and they were right but i had to be sure i did everything i could before i gave up on the relationship.  Its not easy to find someone who will be there whenever you need them but when that person can ruin your day with 1 comment its time to go.  Sometimes its the stupidest thing that will break a camels back and consider me broken but healing.

2. Cougar Begon - I can no longer subject myself to any boys under 25, i dont do inspirational speaking, potty training or pacifiers.  These little man boys run around thinking they are everything and they seem so much like real men you forget.  Its always a good reminder to think about who you were at 21 and who were at 25, there is a serious difference.  Age is not just a number and tequila is not just a drink. 

3. Women.... no sex is worth tears.... EVER

4. Im currently back in the food business and i just have to say.  YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE NASTY! Be nice to your servers they bring your food... honesty how can you be rude to people that bring your food it is a very very very bad idea.  Also, if you dont want to tip stay home, order takeout dont go into a restaurant run a server like crazy and then give them a dollar because you wanted a faster refill.  There are other people besides you and they all think their needs are more important.  If you need something from a server make sure everyone at your table asks for what they need.  Also dont grab people say excuse me, if one more person grabs me to ask a questions.  For the love of God do not cuss a vegan out over buffet fried chicken while the choir is singing O HAPPY DAY! Its just wrong.

5. I am living a ramen noodle life due to South Africa if i survive June with everything intact all will be well.  I am aware that i may get kidnapped, raped, killed, burned, attacked, eaten, scared by people, animals in South Africa,,,, but think of the adventure lol

6. I need to finish my book a book that will probably kill relationships but maybe i can use said relationship killer to go to Costa Rica next year... when life gives you lemons... add Bacardi