I'm Not Sick but I'm Not Well

I am kicking ass at work today, got a little free time thought i would write a bit. Today is going to reflect my odd randomness and general hate for life lol. 1. Whenever i count 1-3 i do it as if i am the owl from the tootsie pop commercials. However my friend Roderick does it in the Count from Sesame street voice, which makes me happy. 2. It's annoying that most of my close friends dont read my blog but 200 strangers do, funny bc i talk about them alot. 3. Stop trying to predict what i am thinking it is way worse than you think or want to know. 4. Every sunday i have to tell some idiot that we pick up their plates up from their table during the buffet. Do you see trash cans around, have ever been to a dinner theatre? Stop piling your shit on the bar that's def not where it goes. I didnt pick up your plate sir bc its full of food and your a wasteful piece of shit. Just Sayin. 5. I was texting while driving the other day, and thought about all those sad commercials about the short texts that costs people their lives and i yelled out... You're Going to Die!! dropped my phone and havent text while driving since lol. How horrible would it be to die over the phase lol 6. I did 400 crunches last night bc an Extra from Catching Fire was told to do them and his abs are on point. Shit it cant hurt... but i cant breath today.. pain is good yes! 7. I have a fucked up view of my body i always think i am about 100 pounds heavier than i am, i used to fight that with anorexia in high school but i feel like that wouldnt work now lol. My biggest worry is i am going to go to Thailand and i will be too heavy to ride the elephants. Hey it could happen... sorry ma'am Dumbo cant handle you. 8. Want to set a man off... call him a bitch. 9. I make friends and enemies wherever i go... its pretty impressive. 10. Sam Smith is my musical god right now... its been a while since music has made me this happy. 11. In the Kitchen of the Howard Theatre on Sunday... Gospel Sunday... they were listening to a song that consisted of more Bitches and N's than the planet earth... i felt Moms Mabley rolled over in her grave. 12. To end stupid arguments i either make people hate life or yell really loud incoherent sentences until they feel akward and shut up... i should do this while being hit on... will do 13. My ex has compared our relationship to a Broken bike, a tropical flower and a car wreck..they werent supposed to be insults... i wonder why we arent together 14. I dont always mind doing hoe-ish type of things but dont make me feel like a hoe before i do them... that's just disrespectful 15. My soul mate is off somewhere, planting trees, while saving animals and fighting for women's rights..... i hope i havent meet the soul mate yet bc if so... God doesnt like me.